When i psyched myself up for the changes in my life that came with being pregnant, i expected the usual suspects: getting bigger, stretch marks, weird hair situations, not being able to paint my toe nails, overly attentive people, space being an issue in the apartment...ya know...regular pregnant problems.
what i had no idea would happen? having an iron diffancies, thyroid problems--I'm STILL not even sure what that does-- my friends getting really distant, getting gray hairs, or both of my very close cousins leaving for years on end, or possibly forever.
I told you all about how my cousin went into the Army, and how it was the weirdest mix of emotions for me. Mostly in the end i decided that it's what he REALLY wanted to do, and so i was happy and proud of him for going through with that. Losing like 80 pounds for something that you have to go and kick your butt everyday is a thing to be proud of someone for. And other than my selfish moments, I was, and still am very proud of him.
I was prepared for that. He told us back in December he was considering it. He worked hard on losing the weight, and i saw him all the time as a reminder that he was leaving me and my Hubsy for a while.
What I wasn't prepared for? My blood cousin, the one i looked up to my whole life, the one who's birthday is 2 days before mine, the one who is just straight awesome all the time taking a year to go to Thailand to teach English classes to High Schoolers. First off, isn't that like the coolest thing to just go do? I mean she gets paid a bunch of money, to go off with her friends and boyfriend to another country and have an awesome adventure, and do whatever she wants? It's very Eat Pray Love minus the heartbreak and I'm sure she wont be as whiney...
But she's leaving me. And she's leaving in like a week. I'm not having a baby in a week. My bestest friend/cousin won't be here for my baby day. Neither of them will. They're both off doing their own things, BIG THINGS, in their lives, and I'm more than happy for them. Jealous even. But like i said, I'm selfish. I want them here with me on that day. Not forever, they can go back and have their fun adventures, I just want them here for that one day.
And all this, which saddens me truly, and I really want some Starbucks! SOOO BAD! Java Chip Frapachinos, Black Tazo Tea slightly sweetend please, the cupcakes, the people, the quiet jazz playing while i'm in my comfy chairs! And my hospital having one i have to walk by every time i go to the special sonogram-ist, doesn't help the addiction....ohhh caffine how i pine for you!!
Not only am I really wanting it to be August already for my little man to be here so i can hug him and squeeze him, and be able to sit criss cross applesauce again....i want Starbucks back into my life. If i can't have my favorite people here on call like the old days, then I get to have Starbucks back. It's only fair.