JAXON OF MAY 2013

guys.

my kid is honestly so cool now.

he's like a little boy in every way that word means.

he growls at people randomly.

he attacks me with tackles and hugs.

he yells at things before he gets near them.

he climbs

he jumps

he dances.

OH BOY DOES HE DANCE!!!

he has opinions.

he doesn't always like chicken nuggets, but LOVES all kinds of "dip dip"

he wants "fench fies" with most things.

"foooooooooot" is a staple for every meal, and most of the time is the only thing that gets eaten.

and that's just dietary choices.

this guy. 

he mimics everything.

he'll brush his hair, teeth, and anyone else's if given the chance.

he wants to make breakfast and juice and do everything a big boy would.

he likes playing with things that aren't his toys and giggling, hiding and then smiling.

he likes playing with his guys,too.

they can only fight and yell and punch.

never stand or anything cute and quiet

and they all say adorable things like "no MYY daddy!" or "I WANT PIZZA!"

Wolverine is usually the guy that gets the most lovin

and he's called "SNNNNEEKT"

little guy now knows how to work almost every piece of technology in our home.

ipad, iphone, netflix on every medium, and he can turn on the xbox.

I'm sure he'd be a PC pro-but mama's still super protective of Old Betsey here...

Jaxon makes friends now when we go places

he has no problem running up to kids and saying HIIIII and running around with them.

(Mama Bear over here though, holds her breath and tries not to cry/scream/faint every-time!)

and he has no problems telling you how he feels about anything.

and more times than not, it's usually a "no" "yes" or "maaaaaama!" situation.

but those lucky times, he'll throw me a bone and be all "mama I owe(love) you!" and my heart melts to goo. 

The best part of Jaxon?
is the singing.

OHHHH THE SINGING!!!

Everyday. All the time.

Lion King. Fall Out Boy. Pokemon. Pingu. Batman. Xmen. Itsty Bitsy Spider. Dora. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse -and the Hot Dog Song. ANYTHING!

You give this kid a melody and a word he can pronounce and he's on it.

AND YOU WILL BE TO!

I'll be surprised when he grows out of this phase. I think this may be his thing.

Gosh I hope it's his thing. I could so be cool with having a musician son. 

but gosh.

man.

may has been awesome so far in the world of Jaxon huh?

lets hope it keeps on this way!!

MOTHERS DAY.

This year was weirder than last.
Last year I felt like a real mother all the time always.
I mean, I had a little baby ontop of me a good 10 hours out of the day.
I wrote a decent mommy blog DAILY(sometimes TWICE!!!! a day)
I didn't do anything at all but talk about Jaxon, or take a picture of him.
I didn't even think about my apperance most days, just his.



And then I made the decision to make changes in my life for little dude.
School. Converting. Taking time out for me even.
Everything became about ALL of us.
THE WHOLE FAMILY!
I remembered I was a person again.
I had needs.
I had feelings.
It was so weird, and every once in a while I forget to do that still.



Magically Mother's Day turned up and like everything is totally took me by suprise. 
I swear it was just April, and now it's almost my birthday and I have to buy everyone flowers.
Last year I counted down the days till my first mimosa in the mommy's club, and this year? 
Well this year I almost forgot that this Sunday was even a thing. 


I think the weirdest part of the day?
I feel guilty. I share my time with Jaxon now. I'm not the only one in the world who takes care of his every need always. And I feel guilty for that every day. Isn't that dumb? He has TWO parents, and a GREAT family who love him and WANT to help him. And I feel BAD because I'm not the only one doing it all anymore. I feel like it's a joke of a day for me now. Like I don't deserve it anymore, because I take time and do things for myself too now. 



When I write it out, it sounds so stupid. I know it does. Jackie of next year will giggle a little at this. I mean, I am a little now honestly! But I feel it in my heart so much, that it's just not funny right now. 



I know I do so much still for Jax. I mean, I wake up at 6am with him after a night class. I kiss boo boos. I make breakfasts, lunches and soooo many snacks. I take naps, play guys, giggle at Pingu, sing songs, teach him so many silly weird words, do so many fun things together. And then of course the mom lame things like make him eat more real foods, tell him no 1000's of times a day, and such. But I'm not there all day anymore. I'm gone from him for a good 6 hours.


And apparently in my mind that means that I don't deserve reconition for being a mom. Honestly it's only me too. I think that ANYONE who has birthed, raises,anythign with a baby or even baby like thing deserves to be told their special on days like Mother's Day. 

Just not me.

So how do I fix that internet family?
Any suggestions?
Is this just a thing we all go through when we go back to the real world?
I hope it'll go away.

THE MONTH PLUS LONG BREAK THAT LASTED!

Wow.
Hi.
Remember me?
Usually when a blogger/mommy blogger in general takes some time off, 
it's something horribley horrible. Or something awesome like she's pregnant and didn't want to blab.
My abscence? Yeah, niether of those. I just needed a break.
Have you ever had everything in your life attack you all at once and you needed to breathe?
I did.




School. Mommying. Blogging. Converting. Hair-styling. Being a real person.



Something needed to give, and it wasn't going to be most of the other things.
SO blogging it was. For as long as I could deal with it.


I mean, it was just AH!! Guys.
I wanted to be the best mom. The best wife. The best hairdresser. The best student. The best blogger. The best everything. And when I'd get to do ANYTHING I would just feel less than okay about anything. I was getting no where really quick, and it was really doing a number on me in every possible way.

Don't you sometimes feel like that though?
That you have to be the best blogger to be considered anything special and not a joke? To be the best mom, because dang it your kids deserve it. To be a great housewife because that's what you're supposed to do when you own ovaries. To be the best student because then maybe student loans won't be so horrible. Be the best hairstylist because you want to make money at some point in your life? 



I had a mini break-down.
Also? 
Turning 24 is doing a number on me as well.
And i'm SURE I'll get into that one more later.
(As in I'm writing a post right now.)

ALSO?
I'm not going to even lie to you.
I was down and out for a minute.
I got caught up in the hype, the numbers, the love.
Gen Con refused to give me a Press Badge this year, even though I got one last year, because of emailing problems. And while I SHOULD have been okay with my blogging skills, because it was my time management skills that were the problem really, I still felt hurt. Like everything I've been doing was for nothing. Just me, and a computer. Sitting here killing time.
Ugh. Don't you hate being all emo and lame??? I do.

SO?!
Where is everything now?
Jaxon is a full fledged toddler now. He makes me giggle 96% of the day, and then I go to school and do people's hair. I'm still attempting everything I was before, it's just going much slower than I want it to. It's for the best. I get to breathe and spend time with people who matter more than not. I play around over here a lot, and other than that we don't do all that much. Most of the time is spent being awesome in random places and making awesome things on people's heads. Isn't that just the greatest though? 


Did you miss us? 
I missed you.
I promise less being the "I'm internet famous" kind of girl.
Back to MOTHER in the Mopher.
werd. 

CHOO CHOO RIDER

Once apon a time, a silly mama bear bought her son a train for Christmas.
She was hoping it would help him walk.
That he would think it was cool beans beyond everything and would fall in love with the sounds.
She was excited for the days that he would crawl to it and play with it's colorful lights.


Then he could walk, and it was all but forgotten.
He couldn't have cared less, he didn't need it's support.
And yet, everyonce in a while he'd see it, run to it and push it around for fun.


And then climbing happend.
And the mama from the beginign of the story began having mini panic attacks over her baby's thoughts.
It wasn't a will he climb this, it was more of a  "will be be okay when he does" mindset.
It just happened out of the blue. One day he's trying really really hard, and failing at getting up into the train seat....

the next? He's yelling MAMA CHOO CHOO and pushing himself around the whole living room.

Guys. Make him stop growing up.