MOMMY GUILT AND AWESOME TIMES

Being busy is amazing, horrible, exciting, scary, saddening, and the most happy things all rolled into one. 

I get to learn more about the thing that makes me happy, while still being an awesome mom and wife.

And that's awesome. It's something to be more than proud of daily.

Honest.

But to tell you that I don't miss the heck out of Jaxon while I'm doing someone's hair is a big old lie.

I love that stinker more than i'll ever be able to express. He's amazing, and so so so funny!

Right now we just got done with a really gross teething spell, and it was heartbreak to leave him with anyone.

He wanted his mommy, almost as much as I just wanted to hug and cuddle him.

Teeth suck! And i just hated not being near him to make him even just a little happier.

The only plus? We took naps together. 

We sang songs together.

It was like old times.

When I'd be here all day long with my little man.

Oh the memories!

Remember those days?? When I had time to blog, when Jax was tiny?

I miss them. I really do.

But then I see pictures that I took.

Ones that look like a tinier version of this one, and I just smile.

He's just so stinking awesome. 

TOLD YOU SO HUBS!

There are only a handful of things I absolutley predicted in having a boy.
Loud days/nights/all the times.
Lots of super heros around.
And this.

Jaxon playing with my makeup.

you can just BEARLY tell, but he's got it in between his eyebrows, and on his cheek.
This right here?
It's how he told me you put on makeup.
MAMA SEE? I MAMA!

Yeah...
adorable. 

JAXON OF MAY 2013

guys.

my kid is honestly so cool now.

he's like a little boy in every way that word means.

he growls at people randomly.

he attacks me with tackles and hugs.

he yells at things before he gets near them.

he climbs

he jumps

he dances.

OH BOY DOES HE DANCE!!!

he has opinions.

he doesn't always like chicken nuggets, but LOVES all kinds of "dip dip"

he wants "fench fies" with most things.

"foooooooooot" is a staple for every meal, and most of the time is the only thing that gets eaten.

and that's just dietary choices.

this guy. 

he mimics everything.

he'll brush his hair, teeth, and anyone else's if given the chance.

he wants to make breakfast and juice and do everything a big boy would.

he likes playing with things that aren't his toys and giggling, hiding and then smiling.

he likes playing with his guys,too.

they can only fight and yell and punch.

never stand or anything cute and quiet

and they all say adorable things like "no MYY daddy!" or "I WANT PIZZA!"

Wolverine is usually the guy that gets the most lovin

and he's called "SNNNNEEKT"

little guy now knows how to work almost every piece of technology in our home.

ipad, iphone, netflix on every medium, and he can turn on the xbox.

I'm sure he'd be a PC pro-but mama's still super protective of Old Betsey here...

Jaxon makes friends now when we go places

he has no problem running up to kids and saying HIIIII and running around with them.

(Mama Bear over here though, holds her breath and tries not to cry/scream/faint every-time!)

and he has no problems telling you how he feels about anything.

and more times than not, it's usually a "no" "yes" or "maaaaaama!" situation.

but those lucky times, he'll throw me a bone and be all "mama I owe(love) you!" and my heart melts to goo. 

The best part of Jaxon?
is the singing.

OHHHH THE SINGING!!!

Everyday. All the time.

Lion King. Fall Out Boy. Pokemon. Pingu. Batman. Xmen. Itsty Bitsy Spider. Dora. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse -and the Hot Dog Song. ANYTHING!

You give this kid a melody and a word he can pronounce and he's on it.

AND YOU WILL BE TO!

I'll be surprised when he grows out of this phase. I think this may be his thing.

Gosh I hope it's his thing. I could so be cool with having a musician son. 

but gosh.

man.

may has been awesome so far in the world of Jaxon huh?

lets hope it keeps on this way!!

MOTHERS DAY.

This year was weirder than last.
Last year I felt like a real mother all the time always.
I mean, I had a little baby ontop of me a good 10 hours out of the day.
I wrote a decent mommy blog DAILY(sometimes TWICE!!!! a day)
I didn't do anything at all but talk about Jaxon, or take a picture of him.
I didn't even think about my apperance most days, just his.



And then I made the decision to make changes in my life for little dude.
School. Converting. Taking time out for me even.
Everything became about ALL of us.
THE WHOLE FAMILY!
I remembered I was a person again.
I had needs.
I had feelings.
It was so weird, and every once in a while I forget to do that still.



Magically Mother's Day turned up and like everything is totally took me by suprise. 
I swear it was just April, and now it's almost my birthday and I have to buy everyone flowers.
Last year I counted down the days till my first mimosa in the mommy's club, and this year? 
Well this year I almost forgot that this Sunday was even a thing. 


I think the weirdest part of the day?
I feel guilty. I share my time with Jaxon now. I'm not the only one in the world who takes care of his every need always. And I feel guilty for that every day. Isn't that dumb? He has TWO parents, and a GREAT family who love him and WANT to help him. And I feel BAD because I'm not the only one doing it all anymore. I feel like it's a joke of a day for me now. Like I don't deserve it anymore, because I take time and do things for myself too now. 



When I write it out, it sounds so stupid. I know it does. Jackie of next year will giggle a little at this. I mean, I am a little now honestly! But I feel it in my heart so much, that it's just not funny right now. 



I know I do so much still for Jax. I mean, I wake up at 6am with him after a night class. I kiss boo boos. I make breakfasts, lunches and soooo many snacks. I take naps, play guys, giggle at Pingu, sing songs, teach him so many silly weird words, do so many fun things together. And then of course the mom lame things like make him eat more real foods, tell him no 1000's of times a day, and such. But I'm not there all day anymore. I'm gone from him for a good 6 hours.


And apparently in my mind that means that I don't deserve reconition for being a mom. Honestly it's only me too. I think that ANYONE who has birthed, raises,anythign with a baby or even baby like thing deserves to be told their special on days like Mother's Day. 

Just not me.

So how do I fix that internet family?
Any suggestions?
Is this just a thing we all go through when we go back to the real world?
I hope it'll go away.